terrible
2Yoda flips
Action7.5
Drama2.5
Romance7.5
Humor2.5
Suspense5
Gore2.5
Style7.5
Realism0
Ambition10
Challenge2.5
Reader Rating 0 Votes
0.0

RELEASED 2002 RUNTIME 142 MIN LANGUAGE ENGLISH DIRECTION GEORGE LUCAS SCREENPLAY GEORGE LUCAS, JONATHAN HALES STARRING HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN, NATALIE PORTMAN, EWAN McGREGOR, IAN McDIARMID, CHRISTOPHER LEE, SAMUEL L. JACKSON, FRANK OZ, KENNY BAKER, ANTHONY DANIELS, TEMUERA MORRISON MUSIC JOHN WILLIAMS


 

WATCH THE TRAILER

 


PREMISE

Star Wars Episode II: Attack Of The Clones (what a long title) continues Anakins saga. But it doesn’t pick up where Episode I left off, but 10 years after. Anakin, played this time by Hayden Christensen, is a full grown Padawan under Obi Wan’s supervision. Padme Amidala is being attacked by an assassin and now it’s up to our two Jedi to protect the Queen while uncovering a mistery that will change the galaxy forever.

SCRIPT

… I hate this movie! Why? Because 1/3 of the movie is Anakin and Padme having a romance that doesn’t work on any level. I have been talking about the script being the main problem in Episode I. Just as you thought it can’t get any worse than that, hold on to your balls or tits, oh yes, it can! While the script definitely has improved when it comes to Obi Wan’s lines and his back and forth between Anakin, it got so much worse when it comes to Padme and Anakin. They have no chemistry at all, their dialogue is hilariously bad and their scenes together are so awkward, it makes it almost unwatchable.
So, how on earth are we supposed to care? It makes the entire plot unbelievable. And no, it’s not Hayden Christensen’s fault! It’s the fucking script. It’s George Lucas’ fault. If Natalie Portman can’t deliver her lines in a convincing way, Hayden Christensen won’t either. And again, everybody who bashes him for making the movie bad, just put Daniel Day Lewis in his shoes and the dialogue will not get any better. Moving on.

VISUAL EFFECTS

The Movie looks so fucking fake. It’s overblown with CGI in every regard. I don’t think there is anything real besides the actors and their respective costumes. It looks like a video game. No wonder the actors have such a hard time acting because they are constantly interacting with air. Try to watch the actors body language throughout the film. It looks so unnatural no matter what they do. Even when they are just talking, you will notice that it always looks so sterile because they don’t know what they are supposed to focus at. The scenery doesn’t exist around them. Just everything about this movie looks so unnatural.
Sure, you could argue it’s such an achievement to have the possibility to create your movie in post production. But just because you can doesn’t mean you should. Just because we have nuclear weapons doesn’t mean we should use them. CGI is a means to an ends. It’s supposed to help out a director to achieve things when practical effects cant or aren’t good enough anymore. But you can’t rely entirely on it.
Just to prove my point: Did you know that not a single clone trooper in the movie is real? Yup that’s right. Every single clone trooper is CGI creation. Now you understand why they move so smoothly and unnatural. I’m sure they did some mo-cap, but it still looks like a video game. It’s so terrible!

STORY

Let’s talk about something that also annoys the hell out of me. It seems like George Lucas doesn’t know his own movies. There are so many things that don’t add up when looking back and watching the classic movies.

SPOILER

C3PO doesn’t recognize Tatooine even though he was made there by Anakin in Episode I and returning to it with Anakin in Episode II. Now don’t tell me it gets fixed in Episode III. First of all, the fix is terrible! Second of all, it shouldn’t have to be fixed in the first place.

Also, I really don’t like that certain characters from the Classic Trilogy become demystified. I’m talking here about Boba Fett and Yoda.

SPOILER

– We see Boba Fett without a helmet and he is a clone. The best thing about him in The Empire Strikes Back is that we don’t know who he is. He is a mistery to us and that’s what got him so popular in the first place.

– Yoda fighting with a lightsabre. Ok, every Jedi has a lightsabre, but the best thing about Yoda in the classic trilogy was that he is so wise and so powerful that he doesn’t need to use a lightsabre. He just needs the force. He even says to Luke: “Your Weapons. You won’t need them.”

REDEEMING QUALITIES

So what redeeming qualities are we left with?

SPOILER

I like Ewan McGregor as Obi Wan. He actually grew on me in Episode II. He has a sort of wit to his persona and delivers some nice jokes throughout. It really fits with the Obi Wan in Star Wars who meets Luke. The entire middle section of the film centering around him I thought was pretty nice too. I like that we get to see a Jedi army fighting. Also, the concept involving the arena battle I really enjoyed. The chase scene in Coruscant I’m a fan of as well because there is some nice back and forth between him and Anakin.

The sound and music are great again. No complaints here.

CONCLUSION

All in all this movie is a big disappointment. It is set out to correct the things we didn’t like about Episode I, but instead we get an even cheesier product that looks fake and lacks all realism and lived in aesthetics that we love about Star Wars.